Eluterius

Een verzameling reclameslogans, bewegwijzeringen, advertenties, ... die dubbelzinnig kunnen worden opgenomen :D
Dubbelzinnig RULES!


Outside a jeweller\'s shop: Ears pierced while you wait
Outside an electrical store: Why go elsewhere to be cheated when you can come in here!
Sign in a laundromat: Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out
In a dress shop window: Don\'t stand outside and faint - come in and have a fit
Sign in a London department store: Bargain basement upstairs
In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken
Outside a farm: Horse manure: 50p per pre-packed bag, 20p do-it-yourself
In the window of a dry cleaner\'s: Same day dry cleaning - all garments ready in 48 hours
Road sign: Turn right for the Fairy Glen. Beware of heavy lorries
At the zoo: Please do not feed the elephants. If you have any peanuts or buns give them to the keeper on duty.
In an office: After teabreak staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board
On a church door: \'This is the gate of Heaven. Enter Ye all by this door.\' (This door is kept locked because of the draught. Please use side door.)
Outside a furniture shop: Our motto: We promise you the lowest prices and workmanship
Sign in a German cafe: Mothers, please wash your hans before eating
Outside a secondhand shop: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?
In a grocery shop: Try our local butter. Nobody can touch it
In a Chinese restaurant: If you are satisfactory please tell your friends. If you are not satisfactory please tell the waiter
Outside a farm: Cattle please close gate Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the
Prince of Wales: The town hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed after being opened. Open tomorrow Outside a photographer\'s studio:
Out to lunch: if not back by five, out for dinner also
Sign on a farm gate: Dogs found worrying will be shot
In a restaurant: Customers who find our waiting staff rude should see the manager Seen at the side of a Sussex road: Slow cattle crossing. No overtaking for the next 100 yrs.
Outside a smart shop: No children aloud
Seen outside a travel agency: Why don\'t you go away?
Notice in a pet shop: Birds going cheep!
Outside a disco: Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome
Sign in a picture shop: Let us put you in the picture and frame you
In an electrical shop: Why smash your plates washing up? Let one of our dishwashers do it for you
Sign at a garden fete: Baby show. All entries to be handed in at the gate
In a cafe window: Waitresses required for breakfast
Found in a butcher\'s shop: These scales are accurate no two weighs about it Seen in a shop selling calculators and computers: You can always count on us
Notice in restaurant: Our cutlery is not medicine so please do not take it after meals
Seen in an American department store at Christmas: Visit Santa\'s grotto. No waiting - we\'re the only store in New York with three Santas
Seen at an American undertaker\'s: Oscar\'s Funeral Parlour - where you\'ll always find a smile
Notice in a London park: No walking, sitting or playing on the grass in this pleasure parK
Seen in a Coventry Factory: Any member of staff who needs to take the day off to go to a funeral must warn the foreman on the morning of the match
Sign warning of quicksand: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council
Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish: Due to increasing problems with litter louts and vandals we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order
Sign in a chemist\'s shop: We dispense with accuracy
Spotted in a garden centre: Up these steps for the sunken garden
Sign on a newly painted bench: Wet paint. Watch it or wear it Seen in a watch shop: Please wait patiently to be served. I only have two hands
Notice in the window of a fabric shop: Repairs and alterations done here. Dying arranged
Road sign: Steeple Bumstead: Left 3 miles Right 3 miles Straight ahead 3 miles
Sign outside pet shop: No dogs allowed
Notice in a dry cleaner\'s window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of
Spotted in a Blackpool guest house: Hot and cold running in all rooms
Notice in Keighley restaurant: From Monday our catering assistants will be pleased to serve customers to the vegetables
Seen outside a fire station: Fire Station - No Smoking
Notice on Norfolk village shop: Half-day closing all day Wednesday Sign in London pizza parlour: Open 24 hours - except 2 a.m. - 8 a.m.
Seen outside dancing academy: Please mind the steps
Sign on motorway garage: Please do not smoke near our petrol pumps. Your life may not be worth much but our petrol is
Notice in health food shop window: Closed due to illness
Spotted in a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car
Circus poster: Biffo Brothers\' Circus, featuring Marvo, the Strongest Man in the World. In town all weak
Sign outside a church in Hemel Hempstead: The last world war. Where and when will it be fought? St. Margaret\'s, Hartford Street on Tuesday 22nd February at 7:00 p.m.
Seen during a conference: For anyone who has children and doesn\'t know it, there is a day care on the first floor
Sign in a tea shop: Today\'s special. Pot of tea with stones and jam, 1.00 Spotted in a golf club: Golfers please do not drink and drive
Seen in a college: This week\'s lecture: Underwater Life by Peter Fish Notice in hairdresser\'s window:
Stylist wanted. Good pay and fringe benefits
Notice in a field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges
Sign at the tennis club: Would spectators please be quiet during matches and let the players raise a racquet
Spotted at the railway station: Passengers are asked not to cross the lines - it takes ages for us to uncross them again
Notice at the zoo: Children found straying will be sent to the lion enclosure
Message on a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons
Sign on a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn\'t work)
Sign in office block: Lift out of order. Please use elevator
Traffic sign: Parking restricted to 60 minutes in any hour
Sign at Norfolk farm gate: Beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser and the ninth one has just left
Notice in church hall: Electrical specialist will be here on Thursday morning to show parishioners how to wire plugs and make small repairs. Followed by a light lunch
Sign spoted in farmyard: Manure for sale. Bring your own bucket Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
Toilet out of order. Please use floor below
Sign in a Japanese hotel: Sports jackets may be worn but no trousers
Sign in Swiss hotel: Do you wish to change in Zurich? Do so at the hotel bank!
Sign in Italian hotel: Do not adjust yor light hanger. If you wish more light see manager
Sign in Australian hotel: In case of fire please do your utmost to alarm the hall porter
Sign in French hotel: In the event of fire the visitor, avoiding panic, is to walk down the corridor to warn the chambermaid
Sign outside a French cafe: Persons are requested not to occupy seats in this cafe without consuming
Sign in Egyptian hotel: If you require room service, please open door and shout, `room service!\'.
Sign in Portsmouth: Patel Brothers Builders - You\'ve tried the Cowboys, now try the Indians!
Sign outside Wessex Hall at Reading University: “We sex all
Outside a jeweller\'s shop: Ears pierced while you wait
Outside an electrical store: Why go elsewhere to be cheated when you can come in here!
Sign in a laundromat: Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out

Deze pagina verzamelt zeer oude doorstuurmails en domme lijstjes die ons in de prehistorie gemaild werden. We hadden ze destijds verzameld als "funmails" en je kon ze vanaf de site naar anderen doorsturen.
En waarom bewaren we ouwe nest? Daarom. Omdat we daar goesting in hebben.